Transitions

I have been expelled from my office duties. Laid off. Employment Terminated.  To put it nicely, “let go”. Apparently, it was nothing personal, but that does little to salve the sting. So, with a tender ego I gathered my things (my office sweater, my favorite coffee mug, and box of Almond Crisps) and fled the scene with scarcely a goodbye. Adrift again.

As I move through this space of uncertainty I am reminded through my yoga practice how easy it is to overlook the importance of a well executed transition.  When we don’t know exactly where we’re headed there is the strong temptation hesitate. In our lack of confidence we may instead find ourselves in a panic thus rushing too quickly into the next shape without any thought of how we might arrive with integrity. We can stand in tadasana. We can find Virabhadrasana. We can balance in ardha chandrasana. But what happens in between? What happens when we are not bound to prescribed sequence? How do we get to point A to B to C  with grace and fluidity?

For me, moving though the spaces between the poses is where the real magic lies. I can explore and expand and arrive into  each moment riding upon the ebb and flow of my breath without worry as to where I might land. I listen to my body and observe how I feel. And how I feel is what inspires me into the next shape. Sometimes, it’s very logical. Sometimes it feels more like play. It all depends on the day.

It was not always this easy or graceful. I did not always trust, or even recognize the guiding thread of my intuition. It took many hours of practice. In the beginning I relied solely on my teachers to guide me. Besides my body and my breath, my teacher’s voice was all I had. And this was a beautiful thing as I had not yet formed too many expectations. I needed only to open my ears and listen.

As I became more experienced I started to practice on my own. I would recreate what I could remember from class or what I had gleaned from books. I would experiment. Sometimes I was graceful and sometimes I wasn’t. Mostly, I wasn’t! But, it didn’t matter. This is how we learn. We have to be willing to make mistakes and we have to be willing to be awkward. Eventually, we will find the route. It may be very simple and precise. It may be full of little twist and turns that surprise us.

The real work for me now lies in approaching my day to day trials in the same manner in which I strive to approach my practice. Instead of wallowing in fear and depression I will instead endeavor to view this most current transition as an opportunity to discover something new about myself. I will stretch and flex my creative spirit in the same manner I work my body: with a sense of trust. I will explore my strengths and weaknesses (hopefully) without judgements or attachments. I may go back to school. I may write more. I may rest more. I may take up running. Running?!

Eventually, I know I will find the route that will lead me to the next shape. Until then I will attempt to find a measure of comfort in this transitional time. I will reach and breathe and expand my heart and I will try not to be afraid.